Make it hurt so good
by Mightily Mousey
Summary: Percy acts oblivious, Swindle tries to make a deal, Barricade has himself a good laugh, and Smokescreen and Sideswipe settle a bet. Just business as usual.


Title: Make it hurt so good

Author: SBX

Characters: Swindle, Perceptor, Barricade, Sideswipe, Smokescreen

Pairings: This time you'll just have to find out yourself.

Rating: PG-13 for suggestive stuff

Warnings: Potential mind-fuck of the "Wait, what the hell just happened?" variety

Disclaimer: No character used in this story belongs to me. Title comes from the lyrics of "Hurt So Good" by John Cougar Mellencamp.

Summary: Percy acts oblivious, Swindle tries to make a deal, Barricade has himself a good laugh, and Smokescreen and Sideswipe settle a bet. Just business as usual.

A/N: Okay, while this meets all the parameters of the prompt, I once again went in a completely different direction than what the prompter was probably expecting. And I have no idea how all the extra character snuck in there. But I can't bring myself to care as this fic was just plain fun to write and I can only hope that the prompter forgives me and enjoys the story none-the-less.

Fic Done for TF Rare Pairing

_ooooo_

It was Barricade who spotted the Autobot scientist first. They probably would have overlooked Perceptor entirely had it not been for the minibot's sharp optics. The scientist was secluded in a hard to reach part of the canyon that was heavily shadowed. The only thing that gave him away was the bright coloring of his chassis.

Barricade and Swindle watched the Autobot carefully for a few moments before the smaller of the two got bored. "He's not doing anything interesting, let's go," he muttered in annoyance.

Swindle gave him an incredulous look. "You're joking, right? We have the Autobots' very own genius scientist unguarded and oblivious to his surroundings obviously working on something and you want to leave him to his own devices? This is the perfect opportunity to capture him and steal his research!" he exclaimed.

Barricade did not appear to be impressed. "He's staring at rocks, Swindle. What use could we possibly have for notes on rocks?" His optics were flat and humorless, daring the con artist to try to work his charm and tricks on the immovable minibot.

Swindle stared back sullenly, mentally cursing Megatron for being shrewd enough to assign the one 'Con in his whole army that never had, and probably never would fall for any of his usual tricks as his patrol partner. It seemed that the tyrant still held a grudge over him selling his teammates on the black market.

It wasn't that Barricade was particularly overcautious or paranoid, traits that usually caused Swindle's tricks to backfire on him. He was merely blessed with an over abundance of common sense, which in the con artist's opinion was far worse.

Then there was the claw tipped fingers. And the gyro flail. And the fact that despite being half of Swindle's mass, the minibot had twice his fighting ability. Swindle didn't stand half of a microchip's chance in the smelter.

That effectively made Barricade his sparkling sitter, a job that the minibot resented only slightly because he, like everybody else, understood the necessity. You just couldn't trust Swindle, ever.

The con artist ran all of this over in his mind, trying to puzzle a way around the immovable object that was Barricade's mind. Swindle always got his way, one way or another. There had to be some argument he could use to persuade the little…

Ah.

Swindle smiled his most charming smile at his own personal warden who instantly looked suspicious. He really needed to do something about the little glitch. A 'Con who was un-conable was bad for business. "His current research may not be of use, but whatever he does in the future could be," the con artist murmured softly, theatrically looking around him as if checking for listeners.

Barricade looked like he wanted to laugh at him. "Oh really," he drawled, sarcasm dripping from his words, "And how, pray tell, do you plan to get that future research from the unfailingly loyal Autobot, 'O Purveyor of Stolen Information? Ask nicely?"

"Easy," said Swindle casually, "We'll just recruit him for the Decepticons. Then he'll be using that genius processor of his for us rather than the Autobots. We could make a fortune off of his inventions!"

The sudden coldness that crossed Barricade's faceplates made Swindle want to back away. "'Recruit?' You mean 'reprogram.' You should know that I don't hold to those methods, Swindle," the mini bot snarled, flexing his clawed fingers.

Swindle winced at the implications of both his own vague words and the obvious threatening gesture of his patrol partner. In truth, Barricade didn't hold to a lot of things, and the average 'Con had to watch what they did or said around him. For a Deception, Barricade had a surprising lack of vices. He wasn't malicious or casually cruel and he had a very deep running sense of honor. Sure, he could lie with the best of 'em and was hard hitting in battle, but that was more out of necessity than a genuine compulsion for dishonesty or brutality.

The minibot really didn't belong with the Deceptions, but rumor had it that he was really 'close' with Soundwave and only joined Megatron's cause to stay close to the communications specialist. Swindle had seen how they interacted at times and he could believe some of the rumors if only because no other explanation made sense.

"Oh, absolutely not! I'm horrified you would even imply such a thing!" he exclaimed. Well, not horrified, but Swindle was highly offended. Really, he did have his limits.

Barricade still looked suspicious. "Then how, pray tell, do you plan to recruit him? I wasn't kidding when I called him 'unfailingly loyal.'"

"Persuasion, my dear mech. Persuasion is the key to all successful negotiations." Swindle caught the look on Barricade's face and sighed in exasperation. "And by 'persuasion' I don't mean 'torture.'"

Barricade just stared at him. It was unnerving, really. The minibot had a way of looking at a bot that made him feel as though his processor was being slowly dissected, code-by-code. Swindle had to wonder if he shared in Soundwave's telepathy and had managed to keep it secret for all this time.

Finally Barricade seemed to be satisfied. He gave a dismissive wave of his hand and turned to leave. "You have two hours. If you can't convince the Autobot then we leave him alone. If you're not here when I get back I'll make you wish you had been," he warned, giving the con artist a hard look over his shoulder. "Oh, and Swindle? Try not to let your greed get the best of you."

Then the minibot transformed and raced off to continue his patrol, leaving Swindle to stare after him in disbelief, unable to believe his luck.

The sound of a transformation drew Swindles attention back to the Autobot he was going to try to recruit. Perceptor was now in his microscope alt. mode, examining a rock that looked to the 'Con's untrained optic exactly the same as all the other rocks in the canyon.

The con artist contemplated the sight before him and the challenge of swaying a loyal Autobot from the path of light. Moody minibots not with standing, everybody had something they wanted, something they would do anything for.

Simply watching the Autobot was giving Swindle some pretty good ideas of what the scientist wanted.

_ooooo_

"So, what's a prim and proper bot like you doing in a place like this?"

The sudden voice in the otherwise peaceful and quiet environment almost made Perceptor jump out of his armor. He glanced up, optics already wide from the small fright growing impossible wider with real fear as he identified the mech leaning casually against a large bolder.

Swindle gave the startled scientist a friendly, calming smile. It wouldn't do if he scared the Autobot into running before they could start chatting. "Sorry, did I scare ya'?"

Perceptor gave him a wary look. Decepticons didn't usually apologize. "Er, not badly. Thank you for your concern." Enemy or not, if Swindle was willing to be civilized then as an Autobot he could do no less. No matter how surreal it may feel.

Swindle nodded amiable. "That's good," he said, glancing at the ground casually. "You dropped your rock."

Perceptor shuttered his optics in confusion. "What? Oh! Oh dear," he murmured looking around his feet in dismay. "Oh, bother. I'll never find it now," the scientist sighed in exasperation.

Swindle made a sound of sympathy. "Yeah, sorry about that. What's so fascinating about the rocks here anyway?"

Perceptor was still looking around hopelessly, trying to spot his lost specimen. "The rocks in this area of the canyon are unique compared to all the others on this planet. They're all the same, right down to shape and dimensions. It really is quite amazing as they appear to be naturally occurring broken off pieces of…"

As the scientist rambled on Swindle looked at the rocks more closely and realized that the Autobot was correct. All the rocks in the area were the same oval shape and were all the same length and diameter, just small enough to fit in a Cybertronian's palm comfortably. It was baffling to find something so obviously symmetrical on a planet where few things were.

"…and despite the shear astronomical chances of such symmetry and consistency occurring in nature, there is no sign that any of the rocks in the canyon were hand or machine tooled. It really is quite remarkable. I'll have to take some samples back to the _Ark_ for Beachcomber and Skyfire to observe as well. Perhaps together we can puzzle out this conundrum."

Swindle saw the chance to jump back into the conversation there and took it. "Sorry to interrupt but why are you and your science buddies wasting you overdeveloped processors on studying unusual rocks?" he asked, adding an undercurrent of distaste. "Shouldn't you braniacs be working on ways to make life better for all sentient beings in the universe?"

Perceptor blinked rapidly, thrown by the interruption, before the question registered in his processor. Embarrassment settled across his features. "Y-yes, well I'm afraid all of our more…ambitious projects have been vetoed by the command staff for the time being due to a rather…explosive malfunction with our last joint project. They rightfully fear that another malfunction of such magnitude would compromise the _Ark_'s structural integrity. Though why Skyfire and I are being punish is beyond me, it was Wheeljack's assignment to insure that the energy conductor was properly calibrated and…"

Swindle was beginning to get the Cybertronian equivalent of a headache. Primus, and he thought that Autobot sniper could talk a bot's audio receptors off. Though the scientist's ramblings did give an opening to exploit, if only he could get a word in.

"So, the your Autobot superiors are hindering your noble explorations? That's really too bad," Swindle lamented, looking sympathetic. "There's typical Autobot sensibilities for you. They stomp down on anything that seems even the slightest bit deviant, even if it could help in the long run."

Perceptor looked uncomfortable. "They're not quite that bad," he protested. "They are willing to listen to our proposals, even if…" A pause. He was actually starting to think about it.

Swindle took advantage of the opening. "Even if? They'll listen but how often to they give their approval? How often are your ideas rejected because of the slightest risk they may present? A risk that could be resolved or corrected if given the change to develop."

Perceptor stuttered, his usual eloquence lost as he tried to justify the thought processes of his comrades, but Swindle wouldn't give him the leeway. "They don't appreciate you, Perceptor. Not as much as they should. Not as much as you deserve. Certainly your talents would be of better use somewhere else? Somewhere they'll be far more appreciated?"

The scientist wasn't looking at him. He glared sullenly down at the rocks as he replied with bitterness, "Where would that be, Swindle? With the Decepticons? With the cruel monsters that make some of my more dangerous inventions a necessity at time? The people that hurt others when all I want to do is help people? What place would a lamb such as I have amongst such wolves?"

This…was getting kind of personal. There was something underneath the bitterness that the con artist, usually skilled at reading people, couldn't quite interpret. It made Swindle uneasy, but he forced himself to continue. He had one last thing to say and it came easily because he believed it with his very spark.

"Yeah? Well say what you like about Decepticons. At least we don't pretend to be any more or less than what we are. The same can't be said about some Autobots."

Perceptor gave him a wry smile at that. "You are, of course, very right. Yes, Decepticons are indeed everything they appear to be. And I will admit that some Autobots aren't nearly as benevolent as they try to be. But the big difference? Autobots do _try_."

An awkward silence followed this declaration. Swindle recognized an impasse when he saw one. Perceptor wasn't going to budge on that one point, and Swindle didn't know how to counter it.

The silence stretched on until Perceptor broke it with a soft chuckle and an amused smile. "So, were you really trying to recruit me for the Decepticon's just then or were you simply making conversation?" he asked, moving closer.

Swindle just barely kept himself from wincing. Oops. Busted. "Um, which option is the most likely to get me shot?"

The scientist smiled gently. "Neither. Really, do I seem the sort who would shoot at the slightest provocation? Though I will admit to being flattered by your regard. It does feel nice to be appreciated, even if it is by the enemy."

Perceptor moved to pat Swindle on the arm companionably but intercepted the large cannon attached to the 'Con's arm instead. The Autobot peered at the weapon curiously and his fingers twitched with the effort spent try to suppress the urge to investigate the object and how it worked.

Swindle smirked. He didn't usually show it, but he was appreciative of the awe that his hardware received sometimes. _Any_ of his hardware. "Like what you see?" he leered playfully.

Perceptor snorted in amusement, attempting to cover it up with a reproachful look. "Really, you're absolutely dreadful. Though I will admit to being curious of the nature and abilities of your weapon," he murmured as he glanced at the cannon again.

This could work to Swindle's advantage. He could use the scientist's natural curiosity to get back into his good graces enough to broach the subject of defection again. The con artist was running out of time.

"It's called the 'Scatter Blaster.' It fires a wide spray of explosive buckshot. Would you like to take a closer look?" Swindle offered, holding his arm and its accessory up so the scientist could see it better.

Well, he'd give the Autobot one thing. Perceptor didn't have any problems jumping on a presented opportunity. The scientist reached for the cannon, eager to explore this new unknown device.

Swindle tensed as the scientist's wandering fingers found some wires in the seam between his cannon and his arm. The second time it happened he shuddered. Perceptor gave him a look of innocent concern. "Are you alright? Am I hurting you?" he asked, running a soothing hand over the 'Con's arm.

Swindle shook his head just a little too quickly. "No! No, not at all," he blurted. Slag it, he hadn't even been aware he was sensitive there. It was a nice feeling and he really didn't want the Autobot to stop his…research.

Perceptor gave him a dubious look but continued his investigation anyway. The next few minutes were spent going over the outer casing and the controls of the weapon. The scientist looked like he was purposefully avoiding any place that might be too sensitive.

Swindle slowly started to relax again and as he relaxed he started the conversation again. Perceptor really wasn't a bad guy to talk to. He certainly had a lovely dry wit that the con artist could appreciate. There was potential there for the Autobot to be a decent fast talker.

Without warning Perceptor's fingers strayed into the connectors again and Swindle couldn't stifle the gasp this time as his whole frame tensed and shuddered. Just as he was about to pull away and coin up some excuse, Swindle caught the upward tug of the Autobot's lip components. Oh, that little slagger.

Swindle grabbed both of Perceptor's hands in one of his own and used his larger frame to shove the scientist backwards until his back met the steep wall of the canyon. "You little fragger, you were doing that on purpose," The 'Con growled, crowding into the captured Autobot's personal space.

Perceptor smiled sweetly, not seeming to care that Decepticon had him pinned with his arms over his head in a very compromising position. "Well, yes, and I must say that your reactions were most satisfactory." To prove his point the Autobot brushed his leg up between Swindle's legs, causing him to groan though clenched dental plates.

The satisfied look on Perceptor's faceplates irritated the 'Con as he tried to get control of himself again. "You better watch who you tease, Autobot. You may get in over your head," he hissed as he shifted to rest his free hand on Perceptor's hip suggestively.

The heat that ignited in the Autobot's optics made Swindle shiver. "Oh, I do hope so," he purred as he hooked a leg around one of Swindle's and used it to bring them flush together in all the right places.

'_This…is going better that I expected,'_ Swindle thought before he was kissed so thoroughly that he couldn't think at all.

_ooooo_

When Swindle came on line again he was more than a little surprised to find himself in stasis cuffs. Even more surprising was the sight that greeted when he finally managed to get his optics to work properly.

Perceptor, looking far too pleased with himself, was seated in the lap of a devil red Lamborghini with his legs stretched across the lap of a compulsive gambler Datsun. Sideswipe looked just as pleased as the microscope taking up space in his lap and there was a certain smugness to the way he had his arm draped across Smokescreen's shoulder, who looked vaguely sullen.

Swindle, having worked with both of them since before the war even started, knew the tell tale signs of a won bet between them. What he and Perceptor had to do with it he had yet to figure out, but he got the feeling he wasn't going to like it. Once again he seemed to be the butt of one of their jokes.

He couldn't harbor any real hard feelings to either of them, however. He'd pulled just as many cons on both of them as they have on him. It's part of the game. If you were too oversensitive or unyielding to roll with the punches and let things slide then you didn't need to be playing and that was all there was to it.

Part of the game was learning from your failures and mistakes so you could get back to being in the lead. Swindle looked at Perceptor more closely. Sideswipe and Smokescreen were obviously showing their accomplice off, but whether that was as a pawn in the game, an equal partner, or the mastermind was difficult to sort out and it was bugging the slag out of the Decepticon.

Finally, tired from the best overload he'd ever had in his life and therefore not thinking at full speed, Swindle admitted defeat. He sighed in exasperation before a he said, "Alright, I give. What was the con?"

Sideswipe gave him a vaguely apologetic look. "This…wasn't so much a con as you being in the right place at the right time to help us settle a bet," he explained.

Smokescreen looked somewhat sheepish as he picked up where his partner left off. "We wanted to know if Percy still had what it took to pull one over on an experienced player, and you were the only other player on this planet that was worth a slag."

Swindle narrowed his optics at the scientist that had settled the bet, reappraising him. Perceptor hadn't even pinged his radar as a potential player. Though in hindsight that was probably his biggest advantage. A player that couldn't be recognized as one got away with more.

"So, you play the game, Percy," The 'Con asked rhetorically. He just wanted to hear Autobot admit it. There weren't many that would.

Perceptor gave him knowing look, aware of Swindle's intentions. He played along anyway. "Occasionally. I was a hobby player turned addict. The game got a little too serious and someone got hurt who wasn't supposed to. I've tried to stay honest since then and the boys here have done a very good job of helping up until now," he murmured, giving the two mechs in question an appreciative smile.

Sideswipe's way of saying 'you're welcome' was to grope the unfortunate party. He earned a put upon sigh and a thump on the head for his trouble. Smokescreen presented a better grasp of subtlety as he gave the scientist a gentle peck on the cheek. Before he could pull away completely Perceptor grabbed him by the back of his head and pulled him back in for a deep kiss.

Sideswipe whimpered at the display and Swindle wasn't much better off as he shifted uncomfortably in the stasis cuffs, as memories of the very hot interface session were dredged up. For a stuffy scientist, Perceptor certainly could be passionate.

The sound of someone theatrically clearing his vocal unit brought the very interesting display to a crashing halt. Swindle twisted his head as best as he could and nearly groaned in totally mortification. There, sitting on top of a decent sized bolder, was Barricade looking like the cat who had caught the canary.

"Where the frag did he come from?" Sideswipe murmured as he and his comrades stared at the minibot with wide, startled optics. Swindle silently echoed the sentiment, annoyed at the interruption.

Barricade smirked at this patrol partner, once again giving the impression that he knew exactly what he was thinking. "You guys had better break this little pow-wow up. Swindle and I are thirty minutes late returning to base, and Soundwave is probably going to send somebody out to come find us soon.

Sideswipe cursed loudly at the prospect of less friendly Decepticon interaction as he and his partners scrambled to their feet. They were all in their alt. modes and gone in seconds, Perceptor riding comfortably in Smokescreen's passenger seat in his own wheel-less alt. mode.

Swindle stared after them mournfully. Well, there went the potential second round.

Soft steps brought his attention back to the little pain in the aft that had interrupted them. Barricade gazed down at him with a curious little smile on his faceplates. It wasn't an expression the con artist was comfortable with.

In return, Swindle gave the minibot a baleful glare. "Well," he demanded, "you gonna stare all day or are you gonna cut me loose?"

It was the first and only time Swindle had ever seen Barricade laugh himself silly.

_ooooo_

Once they were on their way back to the _Nemesis_ Barricade paid for his levity by having to listen to Swindle complain the whole way.

"I can't believe I got rolled by a hobby player! This is humiliating!"

"Hn."

"I mean, would you believe that on experienced street mech like myself could be so utterly duped? Could you believe that little glitch of a scientist could get under my plating so easily?"

"So what, you had fun didn't you?"

"Frag off, Barricade."

Barricade snickered and there was silence between them for quite a few miles before Swindle broke it, his voice quiet.

"Hey, Barricade?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I'm in love."

"…"

_ooooo_

Prompt specs were:

Pairing: Swindle/Perceptor  
Sin(s): Greed  
Three things you want to see in your fic: Swindle trying to tempt Perceptor to 'the dark side', them teasing each other, Perceptor distracted by something shiny  
Three things you don't want to see in your fic: Humiliation, non-con, a lot of angst (some angst is fine, but Perceptor needs a break from being buried in it)


End file.
